Here I am; Friday. I have no idea what to write for my blog today... nothing amazing seems to have happened. A couple of weeks ago I promised to write a new post every Friday. Some of my favourite things to do are regularly updated (that sounds a little odd...). Things like Ctrl-Alt-Del which I haven't read in years. Things like the vlogbrothers. In other words, creative work. The idea is twofold. Since I'm updating regularly, you no longer need to see my post on facebook to know I have a new blog entry, you just have to check back on Friday. The second part is that it pushes me to write and to come up with interesting content even when I'm perhaps not inspired to. It's a step towards more professional creative work and I hope it works out for you and for me.
In other news - I'm now the proud owner of a physics degree :) Yay me! Now what?
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By having read this article, you agree
that I am not responsible for any
distress, discomfort, enragement or
offence caused by your reading
of this article. DFTBA.
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Friday 28 June 2013
Friday 21 June 2013
What's wrong with sex?
We live in the tennies and ever since the sixties, we have been reminding starch collared conservatives that, "Hey man, it's the sixties.... relaaax!" and we have! We have calmed down and become more accepting. Interracial couples, gay marriage and mens' cosmetics. There is a whole new climate of sexuality, gender identity and individuality which is now allowed and accepted by the majority of people.
So I'll take this moment to congratulate everybody on being more accepting, more diverse and more open minded than perhaps we have been for thousands of years. It is wonderful to live in a time like this.... but we are not finished yet.
There are still stigmata to be tackled, feminism is still a developing movement and the LGBT movement can now be known by FABGLITTER to include a whole range of orientations.
One serious stigma is the sexual assault stigma. The quiet murmur that somehow, the victim wanted it, that somehow they are to blame. This is a view pushed forwards by ignorant people who presumably have never been raped themselves. It is almost a Christian viewpoint, the whole guilt complex surrounding sex in many sects of Christianity is deeply ingrained in society and underlies a lot of our opinions on sex. The point is that, although most people disagree with this viewpoint, it is still being said and THAT ALONE is enough to spring the question in the victim's mind - "What did I do to deserve this?". I believe this doubt is the reason so few rapes are reported, particularly when the victim is assaulted by somebody they know and I believe that this doubt is the reason why so many sexual assault victims seem to take it out on themselves. Just as a disclaimer, I am not saying that every rape case is the same, that every case is black and white. I am just saying that every time somebody shouts out this opinion, ignorantly waving it around like a dead rat in the city centre, everybody is affected.
Another stigma is men who are attracted to fat girls, chubby chasers, often being mocked in films or television. This is tied in to a whole body image thing that both women AND men have to deal with. Women are more obviously affected by body image problems with bulimia and anorexia running rampant in certain circles however men are also affected by it. It's a pet theory of mine that the emo movement sprang up as a direct response to the apparent need for a man to be masculine and manly. The reality of the world is that people come in all shapes and sizes (Hello cliché!) and so do sexual preferences and attractions. The sooner we can admit that we ourselves have some esoteric attractions (I know a man in Israel who finds women more attractive if they don't shave their legs and armpits) the sooner we can accept our own bodies and minds for what they are and not constantly punish ourselves because we are not what we think we should be.
The last stigma I will discuss is the stigma associated with having many sexual partners. Why is it a bad thing for people to have a lot of sex? There are an awful lot of reasons for people to chase sex like the hour hand chases 12 o clock. When we judge a person for how many partners they've had we are reaching back to archaic ideals of purity and virginity. The fact is that sex is the most important part of your life because it defines the relationship you have with your partner and by extension the way you relate to the world around you. Mastery of sex is much more important than many people realise and many people admit. There is a reason the karma sutra and tantra have survived for thousands of years... There is no objective reason that I can see why it is advantageous to have sex with few partner many times as opposed to many partners few times. If you know a reason, please tell me in the comments...
*******************************
By having read this article, you agree
that I am not responsible for any
distress, discomfort, enragement or
offence caused by your reading
of this article. DFTBA.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Follow me on twitter @dancohen447
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
So I'll take this moment to congratulate everybody on being more accepting, more diverse and more open minded than perhaps we have been for thousands of years. It is wonderful to live in a time like this.... but we are not finished yet.
There are still stigmata to be tackled, feminism is still a developing movement and the LGBT movement can now be known by FABGLITTER to include a whole range of orientations.
One serious stigma is the sexual assault stigma. The quiet murmur that somehow, the victim wanted it, that somehow they are to blame. This is a view pushed forwards by ignorant people who presumably have never been raped themselves. It is almost a Christian viewpoint, the whole guilt complex surrounding sex in many sects of Christianity is deeply ingrained in society and underlies a lot of our opinions on sex. The point is that, although most people disagree with this viewpoint, it is still being said and THAT ALONE is enough to spring the question in the victim's mind - "What did I do to deserve this?". I believe this doubt is the reason so few rapes are reported, particularly when the victim is assaulted by somebody they know and I believe that this doubt is the reason why so many sexual assault victims seem to take it out on themselves. Just as a disclaimer, I am not saying that every rape case is the same, that every case is black and white. I am just saying that every time somebody shouts out this opinion, ignorantly waving it around like a dead rat in the city centre, everybody is affected.
Another stigma is men who are attracted to fat girls, chubby chasers, often being mocked in films or television. This is tied in to a whole body image thing that both women AND men have to deal with. Women are more obviously affected by body image problems with bulimia and anorexia running rampant in certain circles however men are also affected by it. It's a pet theory of mine that the emo movement sprang up as a direct response to the apparent need for a man to be masculine and manly. The reality of the world is that people come in all shapes and sizes (Hello cliché!) and so do sexual preferences and attractions. The sooner we can admit that we ourselves have some esoteric attractions (I know a man in Israel who finds women more attractive if they don't shave their legs and armpits) the sooner we can accept our own bodies and minds for what they are and not constantly punish ourselves because we are not what we think we should be.
The last stigma I will discuss is the stigma associated with having many sexual partners. Why is it a bad thing for people to have a lot of sex? There are an awful lot of reasons for people to chase sex like the hour hand chases 12 o clock. When we judge a person for how many partners they've had we are reaching back to archaic ideals of purity and virginity. The fact is that sex is the most important part of your life because it defines the relationship you have with your partner and by extension the way you relate to the world around you. Mastery of sex is much more important than many people realise and many people admit. There is a reason the karma sutra and tantra have survived for thousands of years... There is no objective reason that I can see why it is advantageous to have sex with few partner many times as opposed to many partners few times. If you know a reason, please tell me in the comments...
Well that's my lot. Have a good Friday!
*******************************
By having read this article, you agree
that I am not responsible for any
distress, discomfort, enragement or
offence caused by your reading
of this article. DFTBA.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Follow me on twitter @dancohen447
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Friday 14 June 2013
Why do people thing being gay is a choice?
So, hopefully you are one of those people who believe being gay isn't a binary thing, it is a spectrum of gay and everybody sits somewhere on the number line between 0 and 1 (see fifty shades of gay).
A lot of people find themselves in a position where they have the power to make a decision about how to live their life. They may decide to ignore the gayer parts of themselves and only date heterosexually and hook up heterosexually and for all intents and purposes, 'BE' heterosexual. These people have chosen to 'BE' straight. Similarly I imagine some people choose to 'BE' bisexual and 'BE' gay based on a multitude of reasons.
There are two problems that can arise from this.
1st.
Some people will take offence. In my eyes, it is a simple miscommunication. When people say that being gay is a choice (under this explanation) what they really mean is having gay relationships is a choice, as per the argument outlined above. Actually being gay A.K.A. being attracted to the same sex is no more a choice than liking blue cheese or preferring Art Garfunkel to Paul Simon; it might not be the most common preference but it is both your prerogative and part of your identity, not a choice.
2nd.
Some people use this to put down gay people and try to deny them rights. This is hateful and childish and I will say no more of it.
This is by no means a tried and tested theory, it's just my experience and my understanding. If you have another explanation, please let me know in the comments.
When I really think about being gay in terms of a spectrum, the words gay and straight start to lose their meanings except in terms of a decision people make. Every man and woman who is out of the closet has made the decision to associate with the LGBT community and in this respect they are LGBT. Outside of that context, does it make sense to call an individual lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans? Maybe we should employ a number system. You could introduce yourself as L1G2B8T9 depending on how much you associate with each facet of lgbt?
Labels have their uses. We use them to associate with each other. "Oh you're a fan of Metallica? Me too!" is much easier than saying "Your list of songs that you like by Metallica matches with my list with 73% accuracy! That's cool!". The dark side of labels always have to be handled carefully and, when exploited, the whole community has to stand and be exploited together, to fight against it together, rather than let one of their number fall (I may have gotten slightly off topic here).
*******************************
By having read this article, you agree
that I am not responsible for any
distress, discomfort, enragement or
offence caused by your reading
of this article. DFTBA.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Follow me on twitter @dancohen447
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
A lot of people find themselves in a position where they have the power to make a decision about how to live their life. They may decide to ignore the gayer parts of themselves and only date heterosexually and hook up heterosexually and for all intents and purposes, 'BE' heterosexual. These people have chosen to 'BE' straight. Similarly I imagine some people choose to 'BE' bisexual and 'BE' gay based on a multitude of reasons.
There are two problems that can arise from this.
1st.
Some people will take offence. In my eyes, it is a simple miscommunication. When people say that being gay is a choice (under this explanation) what they really mean is having gay relationships is a choice, as per the argument outlined above. Actually being gay A.K.A. being attracted to the same sex is no more a choice than liking blue cheese or preferring Art Garfunkel to Paul Simon; it might not be the most common preference but it is both your prerogative and part of your identity, not a choice.
2nd.
Some people use this to put down gay people and try to deny them rights. This is hateful and childish and I will say no more of it.
This is by no means a tried and tested theory, it's just my experience and my understanding. If you have another explanation, please let me know in the comments.
When I really think about being gay in terms of a spectrum, the words gay and straight start to lose their meanings except in terms of a decision people make. Every man and woman who is out of the closet has made the decision to associate with the LGBT community and in this respect they are LGBT. Outside of that context, does it make sense to call an individual lesbian, gay, bisexual or trans? Maybe we should employ a number system. You could introduce yourself as L1G2B8T9 depending on how much you associate with each facet of lgbt?
Labels have their uses. We use them to associate with each other. "Oh you're a fan of Metallica? Me too!" is much easier than saying "Your list of songs that you like by Metallica matches with my list with 73% accuracy! That's cool!". The dark side of labels always have to be handled carefully and, when exploited, the whole community has to stand and be exploited together, to fight against it together, rather than let one of their number fall (I may have gotten slightly off topic here).
*******************************
By having read this article, you agree
that I am not responsible for any
distress, discomfort, enragement or
offence caused by your reading
of this article. DFTBA.
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Follow me on twitter @dancohen447
+ + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + + +
Friday 7 June 2013
People get too defensive...
We live in kind of a strange world. Yesterday somebody said to me "No offence if you're religious" after mocking religious people for believing in an invisible man who controls the world.
There is a certain culture these days which looks down upon and mocks religious people but at the same time is so afraid to offend anybody that they have to backtrack just in case. Maybe it's just British people being afraid of conflict or maybe it is a more general fear of retribution. There is a powerful theme of political correctness underpinning most social interactions (maybe you noticed). It almost seems like they're (the government, the illuminati, the skull and bones society, the masons, the gardeners, the hairdressers, the newscasters, the orang-utans and the bonobos) trying to whitewash everybody - to eliminate any difference between one culture and another, one way of life and another.
It seems to me to be a terrible shame that we are afraid to talk about this kind of thing. If I just meet somebody, typically the question I'm most interested in asking is "What is it like being you?" but even a question like this is laboured and weighed down by the fear of retribution, the fear of causing offence.
Sometimes, I like to imagine a perfectly safe place, where we can talk, not without emotion and not without fear, but with clearness of intention. Where you can understand why I am asking the questions and I can understand why you are answering them. The conversations are always useful, always interesting and always beneficial.
There is a certain culture these days which looks down upon and mocks religious people but at the same time is so afraid to offend anybody that they have to backtrack just in case. Maybe it's just British people being afraid of conflict or maybe it is a more general fear of retribution. There is a powerful theme of political correctness underpinning most social interactions (maybe you noticed). It almost seems like they're (the government, the illuminati, the skull and bones society, the masons, the gardeners, the hairdressers, the newscasters, the orang-utans and the bonobos) trying to whitewash everybody - to eliminate any difference between one culture and another, one way of life and another.
It seems to me to be a terrible shame that we are afraid to talk about this kind of thing. If I just meet somebody, typically the question I'm most interested in asking is "What is it like being you?" but even a question like this is laboured and weighed down by the fear of retribution, the fear of causing offence.
Sometimes, I like to imagine a perfectly safe place, where we can talk, not without emotion and not without fear, but with clearness of intention. Where you can understand why I am asking the questions and I can understand why you are answering them. The conversations are always useful, always interesting and always beneficial.
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